What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 23:41
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was very sick at this time too.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I think the readers, may guess!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Why are Republicans such intolerant people?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Are there many people here who suffer from schizophrenia?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Comes on , in middle age.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Who then, do I blame.?
I don,t even have a pension.
What is world history that not many people know about?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
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One cannot live in the past .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But, we were locked up after school.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Can you share some of your favorite jokes that are not well-known but always make people laugh?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Do empaths fall easier for abusive people?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
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That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
In your opinion, who is the most overrated singer/band/artist in modern music history and why?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Why does my girlfriend keep asking me if I love her?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
All the time i was locked up.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My life is so biszare .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
When she asked me how she looked .
This is soul school!.
I was scared of men, in general
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I said to her
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I could never make a relationship work though!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She married twice! .
I was seconnd youngest,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I will be 64.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She wouldn,t have been !
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was 9 years of age.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im still living with it.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
So, i spoilt her more .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He resisted the act ,that day.
It was going to be , some day.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We all went to grammer schools
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My family never makes their pension either.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Was to survive, this bastard.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But ive been too sick for many years..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I write beautiful poetry .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She found it foreign!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Would this be the day?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Ive learnt so much.
I waited trembling.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She loved him until the end.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
So whats the point in blame.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
What did i know ?
She was in good health!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And i lived it daily.
He knew the spot.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He was dying to do it , i knew.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I have no regrets .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But it wasn’t much.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As i do to all so called friends.?
I couldn’t, believe it.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Put me off passion for life!!
We were not on the streets..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!